I am not the Only One.. Am I ?

Today had to be the most challenging and frustrating day of my single motherhood life. My daughter who is now 17 months has decided it is time to start her “terrible two” behavior early. She has the break outs of screaming, tensing her body, yelling at the top of her lungs, hitting herself or me if she is close and sometimes throwing herself on the floor. One of the most difficult things about dealing with this type of behavior is feeling like you have to justify or explain your child's behavior, especially if you are in the midst of family, friends or worst in a public place among strangers. It makes me feel so, not just annoyed but helpless and angry because people are looking at me, asking me questions that cannot be answered because there is no answer! It kind of makes me feel so betrayed by my child who I feel, seems to do this when we are among people who are not normally with us or because we are in public and she decides she wants to put on a show for everyone. Today in particular, I wanted to cry. We were literally on the train and I had to give her everything from juice, candy, my lip-gloss, a toy just so that she would not scream and holler. We were halfway home and we were doing good, then she wanted my soda. I told her no, She Went Off! She screamed and stretched and hollered and screamed All The Way to our stop. At that point, people were shifting in their seats, looking at me, looking at her then looking at me. I knew she didnt want anything, I knew that she was fine, she was not hurt, she just wanted her way. Even though I knew all the facts of the situation, and everything in me wanted to spank her and scream at her to Shut Up, because I was so embarrassed and I couldn't do anything to calm her down.I just prayed that my stop would hurry up and come to get out of there. I did not want to defend my case because there was literally nothing to defend. Having people look and speculate was hurtful enough and I wanted to cry so badly. Lesson Learned: I truly thank God for His peace, His Love and His Grace towards me because I believe and know that I would not have been able to make it through that train ride without actually losing it. I know I am a person in general who cannot tolerate noise or being embarrassed and even though it is a child, my child I felt like I just wanted to give up. At that moment, I wanted to just walk away and I could understand why some people just walk away from their children. I believe the lesson in this and what my daughter has been commissioned to teach me is the importance of exhibiting peace and calm from the inside and having it come out. Also that the behavior that is being played out by her is coming from a place beyond just screaming, yelling and stomping her feet, there is a bigger meaning and reason for her behavior. Maybe she has something to say that she cannot express or maybe she wants to express how upset she is that I said no, or wants to ask why or wants my total attention I am not giving her. Whatever the reason, I am learning to not react just because it is something I don't like. I also am learning that everything does not need an explanation. Everyone will not understand what is happening, why you may not react or do things a certain way, and it is your prerogative to do what you want with your child. I know my child, I am learning her behavior patterns as she grows, and I am understanding how as her parent to handle them, no one needs an explanation, and other's opinions does not have to matter. Its going to be a long journey as a Mother. I hope my antics, my raves, my triumphs, challenges through my stories will serve as an inspiration and hopefully I can get some advice, tips and Positive comments :) My life is a testimony and I intend to share it to inspire those who may feel like, “ I am not the only one... Am I?” ----BeInspired – Signed The SXSI Single Mommy